Dr. PHIL Your total Life makeover MARRIAGE

Dr. PHIL Your total Life makeover MARRIAGE

One of the main things that cause relationships to fail is unrealistic expectations. Studies show people are most upset if what happens contradicts what they think will happen — if I blindfold you and say that I’ll put something salty on your tongue, and then do so, your reaction will be almost non-existent. But if I say I’m going; to put some-thing sweet on your tongue and I put something salty instead, you’re likely to overreact!
One of the biggest misconceptions in relationships is that if you love each other, you shouldn’t have to work at it. Of course you do! The fact that you love each other just means you have something to work on. If you merge two lives, with two sets of finances, two families, two sets of values, you can’t think love conquers all. I’ve been married 28 years. It’s not as much work as it was at 28 days, but I still have to put some energy into it. Too many people say, ‘If it’s this hard, I picked the wrong one.’ And they cut their losses and get out, which is not the answer.
Couples get married and have to share time, space, money, resources and accountability. They can’t understand how the thing they thought would make them so happy has left them feeling trapped and overwhelmed. DR PHIL’S ADVICE If you aren’t contributing to the relationship every hour, every day, you are undermining it. Reflect on what first attracted you to your spouse. Those qualities may be buried under everyday chores, but they are still there. You have to make a conscious decision t appreciate your partner’s positive points. Remember the principle of reciprocity — if you want better, give better.
Don’t wait for your partner to meet you halfway. This isn’t a contest. Every day, ask, ‘What can I do today to make my marriage better?’ Maybe it’s just not moaning for a week, or calling because you were thinking of him.
Let your partner know you are proud of him. Everyone’s number one need is acceptance; everyone’s number one fear is rejection. Make sure you’re not giving out rejection and criticism; if you are, you can’t expect acceptance.
‘Of course you have to work at it! The fact that you love each other just means you have something to work on